33 weeks + 3 days
That’s the amount of time it’s been since my last blog post. That’s a long time. More than half a year. So much has happened between then and now.
*I moved twice.
*I auditioned for and sang Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony with the Houston Symphony Chorus.
*I spent a week in Africa (more on this to come).
*I spent three glorious days (+ drank
some a whole lot of amazing wine) in Sonoma for the wedding celebration of some wonderful friends.
*I made a video and went to a live casting call for season 14 of The Biggest Loser. (did not get on the show, by the way…although, that would be an AWESOME reason for my lack of blogging.)
*I sold a handful of houses.
*I went on a (first annual!) girls’ trip with my mom and sister
*My nephew turned one, and my niece turned three.
*I started a new job.
*I started working out at a new gym, with a new trainer.
All in all, it’s been a good 33 weeks and 3 days, chock full of great friends (old + new!), fun, family, exciting travels, and quite a bit of change.
Now that the update is out of the way, let’s talk about the blog and weight loss.
I’ve spent the last several weeks debating whether or not to start blogging again. Blogging about my weight loss journey is somewhat of a conundrum. I mean, let’s be honest here… Anyone would want to publicly share victories — the healthy food choices, the time sacrificed to prepare meals, the sweaty calorie-burning sessions, the losses reflected on the scale, and the list goes on. But with those victories come the times of falling down and feeling defeated. I will be honest and tell you that, quite often on this weight loss journey, it seems as though I fall down more than I am victorious. So therein lies my dilemma: Do I display my failures (along with my victories, of course) publicly in the blogosphere for all to see, and to possibly (*gasp*) judge me? That is a hard pill for me to swallow, which tells me it’s a step I need to take.
Facing my fears. Living authentically. Acknowledging that no one is perfect, and that includes me.
So, where am I right now on this journey to fitness?
As I may have previously mentioned on the blog, I struggle with an “all or nothing” mentality, especially when it comes to weight loss. The problem with that (well, one among many problems) is that the “ALL” doesn’t last very long, so the “NOTHING” takes over fairly quickly. So I’m in the process of learning about balance — how to get back on track, if you will, after indulging/”falling off the wagon.” (I HATE that phrase, by the way.)
Just over two months ago, I began doing small group (3-5 people) workouts with a trainer. I do these workouts 4 days per week (Monday-Thursday). Our fitness levels vary, but the trainers do an incredible job of modifying exercises when necessary and pushing each of us to our limits. Each time I finish a workout, I feel encouraged, refreshed, challenged, and changed (…oh, and sore…pretty much always sore). The workouts are 60 minutes long and consist of a 30-minute cardio session and 30 minutes of strength training. I would describe them as boot camp-style, with no workout ever being the same. These workouts, they are TOUGH. On a regular basis, in an attempt to not die, I close my eyes and say to myself, “Find your strong,” as that feels like the ONLY.POSSIBLE.WAY. to get through a particular section of the workout. And miraculously, I always get through it. I am much stronger than I know. Along with feeling significantly stronger and more fit, I am becoming much more mentally tough. I have experienced numerous times that my mind will give up LONG before my body. I am absolutely loving my regular workouts, and they have become a concrete part of my routine. I will blog much more specifically about the workouts in future posts. The next step is to supplement with a walking/running regimen. My goal is to run a 5k (without stopping) at the end of March. Completely achievable. And I’d like to be working out 6 days per week, instead of the current 4 days.
Now, onto the dreaded subject… THE FOOD. This is where things get messy. This is where I don’t get to say, “Look at me! I’m awesome because I’ve been doing everything right and am losing the weight of a teacup poodle every week.” This is where I struggle. A LOT. This is where I feel the most vulnerable here, on my blog. Food is and has been my coping mechanism for many years, and through many less-than-stellar seasons of my life. So I wrestle with these food issues. Every day. Every meal. It’s all a battle. And I wish it weren’t. I wish it would just go away. I wish I didn’t believe that a quick run to the drive-through would solve my problems. I wish it were easy. But it isn’t. So as you can see, this isn’t pretty. There are a lot of mental/emotional/spiritual factors at play, and I’m working through it. This is undoubtedly the most important and most difficult part of my journey, and right now, I am facing it head-on. And I HATE it. But I’m not going to run. Not this time. Over the course of the last several weeks, I have purposefully set up a strong support system (i.e., trainer, living situation) for my continued weight loss journey. And if I am being honest, I am equal parts grateful and resentful about it. It’s fair to say I’m in one of the painful growth stages of this journey.
So there it is folks. The less-than-presentable part of my story. The messiest part of my life. The part I think about before bed every night and when I wake up every morning.
But absolutely doable.
And so the journey continues… More musings on exercise, food, life, nieces, nephews, family, friends, and fun to come. It feels good to be back. 🙂